I can’t believe that I have been a mom for 2 whole years! My little one turned 2 at the beginning of May this year and I am so happy. There were definitely times that I did not think that I would make it through. From cracked nipples to sleep training, this has been the craziest and most rewarding experience ever. I wanted to roundup the most important things that I have learned in the past 2 years.
You can parent on YOUR terms
It is really scary being a first time parent. Absolutely terrifying, to be honest. While I struggled with finding the answers on common motherhood questions, I also realized that everyone has an opinion. One mom recommends the Ferber sleep-training method, while the other person recommends co-sleeping until 4 years old. People have differences in opinion and that is okay.
The most important thing is to remember that ultimately YOU are the parent and make the best choice based on what you feel is best. If you really do not like the advice you are given, you can just nod and say “thanks for the advice” and keep it pushin’. Most people just mean well and want to help new moms out, but it can get annooyyyinnnggg!
Date night is NECESSARY
Date nights can save your relationship. I repeat, date nights can save your relationship. Okay sooo a truly damaged relationship probably needs a touch more than a few date nights to get things back on track. But it you are just feeling disconnected from your partner/husband/wife – you probably just need a night AWAY from the kiddo and need some adult time.
My fiancé have definitely had some pretty low points during these last two years because I felt like our connection had changed. Luckily my parents live less than 30 minutes away for the babysitting connect – so we were able to strengthen our connection and date each other again. We are so fortunate go on 1-2 dates per month (Gia stays at their house over night) and I really feel like this has rebuilt our relationship and made it even more solid.
Communicate with your partner
After date night, the next most important thing I learned through this whole parenting ride is that you MUST communicate with your partner. Unless they have given birth before, they are unlikely to understand why you sob each time a gum commercial comes on you insist on going to Target at 11pm for the “right” kind of wipes for the baby. You need to give your partner a glimpse into your world and explain that you need extra help. Try to assess what you need and then work on asking for it.
I really struggled with anxiety and post-partum depression for the last 2 years and it took a lot for me to open to my partner and explain how I was feeling. Finally, I have been able to keep things in check through therapy, excercise and following my passions in life. Massage can do wonders too!
Find Mommy friends or a community
Mommy friends are a gift from God. It can be SO HARD to make friends in general – let alone with kids. There are a ton of resources like Facebook Mom groups and PEPS groups to help connect you with other cool moms in your neighborhood.
While I was the first one in my friend group to have a baby – I was happy that some of my friends had a sip of the pregnancy water and now they have kids as well! I have a few friends that I can text and discuss parenting struggles over a glass or Rosé! They understand that if nap time goes awry then the whole day can go downhill. They FEEL you when you tell them breastfeeding has sucked away your soul. Go – find these ladies and laugh or cry it all out.
Don’t lose your essence! Reconnect with yourself
You guys – I STRUGGLED these first few years as a mom. My identity felt like it did a complete 180 because being a mom took up so much of my time. Before being a mom, I was a fabulous bad bitch. I will not lie. I had cute clothes, bomb makeup looks and all the time in the world. I suddenly was thrust into motherhood and all the things that had previously defined me had disappeared. I traded in my hours in front of the mirror for pumping every three hours and timing naps with grocery shopping. My world had flipped upside down and I had to do some soul searchin’ to find Simone again. I realized that I now define myself as a creative person that loves to develop content and connect with other people by chatting and sharing stories. I value time with my loved ones more than time in front of the mirror, but I can still appreciate a life-changing lipstick!
My long-winded point is that being a mother changes you and the most important part is have your identity outside of being a mother. Are you a great friend, entrepreneur, scientist, artist, blogger, fashion stylist or something else? Keep doing that thing that makes you tick and don’t let motherhood be a hinderance, let it be to REASON that you go even harder with your passion.
Self-care is key
In order to go “hard in da paint” as the basketball players say, and follow your passion – you also need to take care of you, boo! This means that if you need a break, take a break. Spend your night watching the Real Housewives of Potomac and yell at the TV when Karen lies again. Your laundry can wait, your mental state cannot!
If you are a former glamour girl like myself, self-care often means to take a little more time in my appearance. Painting my nails or getting an extra 15 minutes to do a full beat-down on my face can make a world of difference. Don’t underestimate the power of exercise either! Things tend to shift around a little post-baby and I always have felt better when I have some sort of exercise routine going on.
Girls night out needs to happen
Like I mentioned earlier, find some mom friends. If you can’t find any mom friends, find some other old friends and go grab dinner. It will give you an excuse to laugh and reconnect with people that you don’t get to see very often.
I always feel recharged and happier after I see my girlfriends. My DREAM is to have a tropical girls vacation in the next few years where we can have time to miss our kids BUT also live our best lives in vacay mode. Doesn’t that sound like goals??
Breast feeding is really effing hard
Yoooo breastfeeding is a beast. Like a beeeaaasstt. Everyone warned me about childbirth and how loco it is. They did not even mention how hard breastfeeding is. I had cracked nipples, baby had a tongue tie and I had low supply issues. I felt like no one pulled me aside and said “hey girl, be warned about breastfeeding”! Side eye. There are many avenues for support in this arena, so I suggest getting into a Mom FB group or personal support group because there are a LOT of things that are not covered in birthing/after care class.
Spend some time alone
This obviously ties in with self-care, but I found that I was the best mom I could be after spending some time alone. Being alone gives you time to think and appreciate where you are presently in life. It can get so crazy that I literally have to put “alone time” on my calendar to make sure that I actually spend the time alone. I usually spend my happy and peaceful alone time reading or watching YT videos. I actually cherish the time when my fiancé goes out with his friends for the night. Get you some alone time, it is the key for being a well-balanced mama.
Spend the moment enjoying instead of lamenting or wishing for the next stage
This is the last lesson I have learned: enjoy every moment! I know, I know it sounds cliché, but I wish I could bottle every single moment of Gia being a baby. They grow independent soooo quickly and it is so tempting to wish you were on the “next stage” instead of enjoying the stage that you are at. Cherish every single second because you never know when it will be your last. I lost my grandmother this year and literally she was there one minute and the next minute she was gone. Put your phone done, pay attention to all the awe-inpsiring things that your baby does and be thankful for every moment you can spend with them.
I hope you enjoyed some of the biggest lessons that I have learned during my first two years as a mother. I poured a bit of my heart and soul into this personal post which is pretty scary for me.
Please share some of your most important lessons below!
