Motherhood – Stay Golden Mama

How to balance pursuing your passions and motherhood

October 1, 2018 No Comments

I have a confession: I recently took 2 weeks off of blogging. I felt like I had so much to do that I just could not sit down and devote my whole hearted attention to my blog. I’ll be honest, I felt super guilty and crappy about it. My blog is still new and I do not have many people reading it, so it wasn’t like people were knocking down my door to get new content. But I knew that I was not pursuing my dreams and I felt like I was letting myself down. My biggest dream and goal is to monetize this blogging & YouTube thing and I have been feeling pretty discouraged recently.

I wanted to get back to it and share some tips on how to find the time, patience and energy to devote to my passions and creating new content as a working mom.

#1 – Remember WHY you started!

When I first started bogging 7 months ago, I was so excited to start my journey and share my content. As time went on and things were very slow to progress, I got discouraged. To be honest, I am still not where I want to be, but I am not giving up! It is important to remember that giddy feeling about when you first got started and WHY you want to continue. For me, I started because I needed a creative outlet and a way to document the changes that I was making in my life. Blogging keeps me accountable because it forces me to record aspects of my life and be more creative with my hair, makeup and lifestyle. I also started because I eventually would like to earn a significant income from my blog and have more money to travel and put towards our upcoming wedding!

#2 – Communicate your goals with your support system

I think this is SUPER important! In order to pursue your passion, you first need to let people know what excites you. Whether it is your mom, husband, sister, BFF or work wife – tell them about what makes you tick and how you plan on taking over the world! You are more likely to achieve your goals if you actually write them down, and even more so if you have someone else holding you accountable. Also, if you are in a relationship and you want to spend more time on your passion, then it can be helpful to talk to your significant other about your plans.

#3 – Create realistic goals

In order to pursue your passions without getting burnt out, it is important to be realistic about your goals. Do you want to make money from your passion, or do you just want to feel more fulfilled in life? Create goals that fall in line with what you want to achieve and do your best to stick to them. Life happens, so be sure to factor in holidays, busy season at work and kids activities. The worst feeling is setting unattainable goals and missing them because you put too many things on your plate. Being a mom is a huge job, so don’t put too much on yourself. You got this, mama!

#4 – Maximize your weekends and time off

Weekends and nights are your best friend. I repeat, weekends and nights are your best friend! Make the most out of your time by planning out your day and finding pockets of time to work on your content or hobby. I like to use my daughter’s nap time to write my blog posts and then night time for editing my YouTube videos. I also take a day or two off per month to reset and create more content. This is definitely a luxury that most people do not have, but I am fortunate to have a lot of vacation time and very few vacation plans. Ask your significant other to take the kids to the park, so you can keep that passion alive!

#5 – Get enough sleep

Ok ok, I am still struggling with this one. I KNOW that I need 7 hours of sleep at night to be a functioning adult. Do I really get 7 hours every night? No, ma’am, I do not. I know I would be unstoppable if I went to bed a t 10pm every night and woke up at 5. I am going to use October as a month to steadily get up earlier and earlier until I get to my goal of 5:30am. I have noticed that I am so much more balanced and energetic when I get enough sleep and I am properly hydrated. To give the most of myself to my family and my passion, I have to get enough sleep! If I don’t, then I feel like I am playing catch-up for the rest of the week.

#6 – Give yourself some slack

This is important, y’all. Be easy on yourself! If you have had a whirlwind week and everything is going on, give yourself some grace and breathe. If that means that dinner is a frozen pizza and that little Susie’s laundry is not perfectly ironed before school, you will survive. I always tell my fellow mom friends to stop being so hard on themselves! Parenting is hard. Let’s not make it harder by being too critical on ourselves. With hard work and dedication, we can follow our passions and move closer towards happiness.

Don’t give up, no matter what! If you want to pursue your passions, then you need an ironclad will and a plan to get there. If it doesn’t happen overnight, that is fine! Don’t compare yourself to others and follow your joy, just for you! Keep your energy high and remember that the end goal is be more fulfilled in life.

Thank you so much for stopping by! Can you tell me some tips that you have for following your passions?

xo,

Simone

Mommy Mondays, Motherhood

Mommy Monday: The Ultimate Toddler + Mommy Car Kit

September 10, 2018 No Comments

If you are a mom, or anyone who drives, you know that having some sort of car kit makes your life WAY easier. I confess that this article was supposed to be written in July, buuttttt here we are in mid-September. Oops!

I wanted to share my Ultimate Toddler + Mommy Car kit that I made this summer. Dad doesn’t require much, but I added some snacks in for him as well 😉 . These items are great for year-round car riding.

I got my car tote bag from Target for $8 and it was a great investment! I love knowing that when we get in the car, we have everything we need at our disposal. It leaves me less stressed about packing for a trip to Grandma’s house or an afternoon at the park. My goal was to create a kit that would be helpful and easy if my fiancé was out with our daughter and needed something! I feel like I have to pack 100 things just to get out the house, so this a great way to keep every centralized in the car.

I even added a few “Mommy must-haves” that I always keep in the car as well. An extra pair of sunglasses, mints, chapstick and a charger is all I need to survive. Oh… and snacks of course!

Here is a breakdown of my list. Feel free to print it out if you plan on making a car kit!

Mommy Mondays, Motherhood, Self-Care

Mommy Monday: Making Alone Time A Priority

September 4, 2018 No Comments

Photo credit: Emanja Alleyne (http://www.emanjaalleyne.com/)

Since starting this blog, I wanted to use it as a platform to connect and share my experiences as a mom. I had the idea of creating a regular diary series called Mommy Mondays to discuss all the ups and downs of parenthood. I eventually want to make this a series on YouTube as well! I have not been as consistent as I would like in this arena, but I am ready to make this a weekly thing!

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s dive into this week’s topic: alone time!

Ahhh, the touchy topic of alone time. When we get it, we feel guilty that we are without our kids. When we desperately need it, we feel bad for asking for a few hours to ourselves. It is exhausting!

This weekend, my partner was away on a trip with his guy friends and I got 3 nights of alone time. At first, I was a little overwhelmed that I would be taking on the brunt of the childcare duties with no help. Then I realized that I got 3 nights of solo time! While I love my fiancé dearly, it was nice to get a few nights to myself to watch sappy teen dramas – tell me that you have seen “To All The Boys I’ve Loved”! As I was reflecting during my nights alone, I came up with a few reasons why alone is a huge part of my mom self-care routine.

It brings reflection

I love being alone because it forces me to figure out my next move and also to just enjoy the moment. I cherish the quiet moments where I am not wiping a poopy booty or chasing my toddler in the grass. Being a mom gives me sooo much joy and purpose, but I still have dreams and goals that need focus and attention. I always feel so much more centered and focused after spending a few hours by myself.

Recharges my energy

In the same of reflection, I also crave alone time because it recharges my energy when my batteries are low. I feel currents of energy and when mine is low, I feel it in every aspect of my life. For me, low energy is usually tied to being overworked, too many social commitments and my house being filthy. When I spend time alone to regroup, then I start to feel my energy return and have the motivation to tackle life. It feels like a video game where I am finding extra lives.

Lets me be ME

Lets be honest, being a mom and partner can take a lot of energy. There is a lot of sacrifice and compromise that comes with these roles.

I found being alone is the best way for me to just be myself without any pressure or obligation to act a certain way. Social situations can be very draining because I am 50% introvert and I can’t be “on” for too long without burning out. I feel like I can be my truest self after a solo afternoon or night off without plans.

Makes me be a better mom

I truly believe that in order to be the best mom possible, I need balance in my life. A huge part of that balance is spending time alone and creating an environment of reflection and quiet. I get overwhelmed very easily and I find myself craving moments to myself. I find that I am more attentive and appreciative of the ups and downs of motherhood after I have spent some solo time.

Remember that “self-care is not selfish”. Say it again, for the people in the back! Taking time for yourself does not make you a bad mom or a bad person. In fact, it does the opposite. It helps you keep in touch with your body, mind and spirit by giving yourself time to breathe. Whether alone time is watching bad reality TV (I am looking at you, RHOA), going to your favorite coffee shop, meditating or hitting the gym. I urge you to push the mom-guilt

I also think in order to be the

Nights alone, kid-free afternoons

Reflection is self-care

Recharging precious energy to be the best mom that you can be.

Alone time is crucial for all people, but especially moms. I know there will be a

Motherhood

Mommy Mondays: Surviving Solo Parenting

July 31, 2018 No Comments

Hi my lovelies! I wanted to start a new series called Mommy Mondays where I discuss some mom topics that are on my mind. I want this place to be a place for all moms to share their feelings without judgment, so please drop a comment if you can relate to my ramblings!

Motherhood (well parenthood in general) can bring soooo many feels. Love, pride, frustration, exhaustion, there are so many levels to this mom game. I want to share my experiences with you all, so we can act like we are drinking a nice crisp glass or pinot grigio and chit chat.

Wellll I wanted to chat about my experience with “solo parenting”. Not to be confused with “single parenting” – Solo parenting is when your spouse or partner is out of town for a period of time and you have to do allllll the things by yourself. Single parents get the real MVP cards because this is how they operate all the freaking time. Minimal help and lots of hats to wear. After “solo parenting” for the weekend, I always have extra perspective and appreciation for single parents who do this every single day.

In everyday life, I am super lucky to have a loving and supportive partner that helps with our daughter. He takes and picks her up from daycare and spends a lot of quality time with her. He has been the “favorite parent” for the last 6 months and I am totally fine with that!

A few weekends ago, my fiancé, Richard, went away for a bachelor party. I was fresh back from being on 4 planes in 10 days, so I was SO happy to be back at home and to spend some time with my baby girl. We had a lot of fun activities planned, but I was low key worried about getting overwhelmed with all of the parenting duties.

Now that my little one is 2, she is in full-force toddler tornado mode. I wanted to share some tips on how to survive being the only parent in the household.

1. Plan activities.

Ladies, call some other ladies with kids and bring your kids over to their house! I scheduled 3 playdates with Gia, so we could get out of the house and so she could run around in bliss with other little rug rats. I made sure to plan enough things to keep us busy without getting overwhelmed with too many commitments.

2. NAP WHEN THE BABY NAPS

I repeat, NAP WHEN THE BABY NAPS. Trust me on this one. Taking care of you is so so important. I used to always power through nap time and attempt to squash my never-ending to-do list. Now I do as much as I can in the mornings (during a little TV break) or at night once Gia goes to bed. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t get the laundry or grocery shopping done. Keep your child alive and make sure you get enough rest!

3. A little TV won’t kill them

Okay this one is controversial due to the whole “less than 30 minutes of TV per day” recommendation by the American Pediatric Association or whatever they are called. Buuuttt there are exceptions for every rule.

I mean don’t know about you, but it is REALLY hard for me entertain a clingy toddler, cook ~~chicken nuggets and fries~~ “well-balanced meal” and clean the house at the same time. Oh, same with you? Glad I am not alone here. Enter in the magical box of puppies AKA the TV. I know TV gets a really bad rep here, BUT hear me out. If your kid watches TV for 20 minutes while you prep dinner or clean up your explosion of a living room, the world will keep on turning. I am a big fan of using it as a distraction.

3. Call the reinforcements

Feeling totally and completely overwhelmed? Have friends or family nearby? Call them and see if you can drop little tornado baby off for a few hours so you can get some shizz done or take a life-altering nap. Your body and spirit will thank you for it.

4. Cut yourself some slack

Solo parenting is hard y’all. You will make it through to the other side. Give yourself a break and don’t be so hard on yourself. I kept feeling bad about feeding my daughter chicken nuggets and fries, but I had to remind myself that I am doing the best I can. She refused to sleep on Saturday night and kept me up from 12:30am-3:30am – nearly causing me to lose my mind. Like I mentioned before, I have the MOST respect for single parents because doing this for a weekend by myself was really hard. I can’t imagine doing it for years and years. So I tip my hat to you ladies (and fellas) that do this on the regular.

5. Express your appreciation for your partner when they return.

Be sure to give your partner an extra long hug and kiss when they return home. Tell them you missed them, but DON’T get too mushy. You must have the upper hand. Kidding. Tell them they are awesome and please don’t ever leave again. I think it is important for your other half to know they are loved and were missed while they were away.

Have any great tips for “solo parenting” for a weekend or longer? Drop them below for my next adventure being a solo parent!

xo,

Simone

Motherhood

2 Year Mom Celebration: Most Important Lessons I’ve Learned

May 31, 2018 No Comments

I can’t believe that I have been a mom for 2 whole years! My little one turned 2 at the beginning of May this year and I am so happy. There were definitely times that I did not think that I would make it through. From cracked nipples to sleep training, this has been the craziest and most rewarding experience ever. I wanted to roundup the most important things that I have learned in the past 2 years.

You can parent on YOUR terms

It is really scary being a first time parent. Absolutely terrifying, to be honest. While I struggled with finding the answers on common motherhood questions, I also realized that everyone has an opinion. One mom recommends the Ferber sleep-training method, while the other person recommends co-sleeping until 4 years old. People have differences in opinion and that is okay.

The most important thing is to remember that ultimately YOU are the parent and make the best choice based on what you feel is best. If you really do not like the advice you are given, you can just nod and say “thanks for the advice” and keep it pushin’. Most people just mean well and want to help new moms out, but it can get annooyyyinnnggg!

Date night is NECESSARY

Date nights can save your relationship. I repeat, date nights can save your relationship. Okay sooo a truly damaged relationship probably needs a touch more than a few date nights to get things back on track. But it you are just feeling disconnected from your partner/husband/wife – you probably just need a night AWAY from the kiddo and need some adult time.

My fiancé have definitely had some pretty low points during these last two years because I felt like our connection had changed. Luckily my parents live less than 30 minutes away for the babysitting connect – so we were able to strengthen our connection and date each other again. We are so fortunate go on 1-2 dates per month (Gia stays at their house over night) and I really feel like this has rebuilt our relationship and made it even more solid.

Communicate with your partner

After date night, the next most important thing I learned through this whole parenting ride is that you MUST communicate with your partner. Unless they have given birth before, they are unlikely to understand why you sob each time a gum commercial comes on you insist on going to Target at 11pm for the “right” kind of wipes for the baby. You need to give your partner a glimpse into your world and explain that you need extra help. Try to assess what you need and then work on asking for it.

I really struggled with anxiety and post-partum depression for the last 2 years and it took a lot for me to open to my partner and explain how I was feeling. Finally, I have been able to keep things in check through therapy, excercise and following my passions in life. Massage can do wonders too!

Find Mommy friends or a community

Mommy friends are a gift from God. It can be SO HARD to make friends in general – let alone with kids. There are a ton of resources like Facebook Mom groups and PEPS groups to help connect you with other cool moms in your neighborhood.

While I was the first one in my friend group to have a baby – I was happy that some of my friends had a sip of the pregnancy water and now they have kids as well! I have a few friends that I can text and discuss parenting struggles over a glass or Rosé! They understand that if nap time goes awry then the whole day can go downhill. They FEEL you when you tell them breastfeeding has sucked away your soul. Go – find these ladies and laugh or cry it all out.

Don’t lose your essence! Reconnect with yourself

You guys – I STRUGGLED these first few years as a mom. My identity felt like it did a complete 180 because being a mom took up so much of my time. Before being a mom, I was a fabulous bad bitch. I will not lie. I had cute clothes, bomb makeup looks and all the time in the world. I suddenly was thrust into motherhood and all the things that had previously defined me had disappeared. I traded in my hours in front of the mirror for pumping every three hours and timing naps with grocery shopping. My world had flipped upside down and I had to do some soul searchin’ to find Simone again. I realized that I now define myself as a creative person that loves to develop content and connect with other people by chatting and sharing stories. I value time with my loved ones more than time in front of the mirror, but I can still appreciate a life-changing lipstick!

My long-winded point is that being a mother changes you and the most important part is have your identity outside of being a mother. Are you a great friend, entrepreneur, scientist, artist, blogger, fashion stylist or something else? Keep doing that thing that makes you tick and don’t let motherhood be a hinderance, let it be to REASON that you go even harder with your passion.

Self-care is key

In order to go “hard in da paint” as the basketball players say, and follow your passion – you also need to take care of you, boo! This means that if you need a break, take a break. Spend your night watching the Real Housewives of Potomac and yell at the TV when Karen lies again. Your laundry can wait, your mental state cannot!

If you are a former glamour girl like myself, self-care often means to take a little more time in my appearance. Painting my nails or getting an extra 15 minutes to do a full beat-down on my face can make a world of difference. Don’t underestimate the power of exercise either! Things tend to shift around a little post-baby and I always have felt better when I have some sort of exercise routine going on.

Girls night out needs to happen

Like I mentioned earlier, find some mom friends. If you can’t find any mom friends, find some other old friends and go grab dinner. It will give you an excuse to laugh and reconnect with people that you don’t get to see very often.

I always feel recharged and happier after I see my girlfriends. My DREAM is to have a tropical girls vacation in the next few years where we can have time to miss our kids BUT also live our best lives in vacay mode. Doesn’t that sound like goals??

Breast feeding is really effing hard

Yoooo breastfeeding is a beast. Like a beeeaaasstt. Everyone warned me about childbirth and how loco it is. They did not even mention how hard breastfeeding is. I had cracked nipples, baby had a tongue tie and I had low supply issues. I felt like no one pulled me aside and said “hey girl, be warned about breastfeeding”! Side eye. There are many avenues for support in this arena, so I suggest getting into a Mom FB group or personal support group because there are a LOT of things that are not covered in birthing/after care class.

Spend some time alone

This obviously ties in with self-care, but I found that I was the best mom I could be after spending some time alone. Being alone gives you time to think and appreciate where you are presently in life. It can get so crazy that I literally have to put “alone time” on my calendar to make sure that I actually spend the time alone. I usually spend my happy and peaceful alone time reading or watching YT videos. I actually cherish the time when my fiancé goes out with his friends for the night. Get you some alone time, it is the key for being a well-balanced mama.

Spend the moment enjoying instead of lamenting or wishing for the next stage

This is the last lesson I have learned: enjoy every moment! I know, I know it sounds cliché, but I wish I could bottle every single moment of Gia being a baby. They grow independent soooo quickly and it is so tempting to wish you were on the “next stage” instead of enjoying the stage that you are at. Cherish every single second because you never know when it will be your last. I lost my grandmother this year and literally she was there one minute and the next minute she was gone. Put your phone done, pay attention to all the awe-inpsiring things that your baby does and be thankful for every moment you can spend with them.

I hope you enjoyed some of the biggest lessons that I have learned during my first two years as a mother. I poured a bit of my heart and soul into this personal post which is pretty scary for me.

Please share some of your most important lessons below!